Posted on by haleemaalowais

Laying down the parameters of ‘your’ success

How do you define success?

Looking back at how I perceived success, throughout my life and my experiences the meaning has evolved over and over and over.

Initially success mean making good money immediately and being an accepted member of society, in all completely impersonal to my preferences and what I can relate personally to myself as an individual.

After feigning satisfaction from checking off the criteria I have assumed that defined success and experiencing deep discontentment and emptiness from my life I found a path towards enlightenment that made me flip my perspective 180 degrees, success is not fully tailor made one size fits all and I was on a mission to figure out what this success is to me and that is:

“The positive impact I have on myself and people around me”

This translated into everything I have a hand in, my work, my life and my relationships.  I love being a vehicle to improvement to people around me whether its though advice, being a support, giving love, making their work environment better and so on.

Opening my eyes to this made a huge impact at that time when the frustration drove me to taking wrong measures to search for fulfilment when all it needed was a change of perspective and proper alignment in what I considered my version of success. I was no longer validated by external factors but on self fulfilment and logic in order to feel like I have succeeded in a mission I had in mind. 

This insight has given me the clarity in defining the the path one needs to overtake to reach his highest potential according to his personal values, preferences and strengths.

Hereon I carry myself with a strong self-awareness and constructive outlook, this is always a work in progress when it comes to self-development, examining myself honestly without self-pity or the blindness of anger takes perseverance but in the long term is more fruitful. 

  • Consistent self-reflection will become vital if you want to maintain inner peace and clarity in your vision, this involves writing down your feelings, constant self-checks on your core values and how you feel about things around you. 
  • When dealing with anger and frustrations, soothe yourself with constructive self-talk, proper venting out and self-care, if you need to check out for some time do it. 
  • Assess and reassess your life to make sure you don’t slide and become stagnant; personally that’s what I think comfort zones are all about, falling into the quicksand of stagnancy and becoming too fearful of digging yourself out 
  • Allocate time for all aspects of your life to stay on top of the game, family, friends, health, work and fun. If one goes off balance, it affects the rest.

I want to be a person of value in my family, friends and employees lives. A happy mother is a good mother, a happy partner is a good partner, a happy boss is a good boss, and to be at peace with myself I need to define success in what feeds my soul and is meaningful to me and that means releasing the need to compare and compete with others as we all have different journeys to live.

At one point I hit a brick wall in what defined success to me because I let ego take over with being better than others and that is a formula for bitterness, I’m glad to say reading the right literature and speaking to my loved ones and my life coach helped immensely with releasing me from that.

I can honestly say that now I am focused on what gives me self fulfilment and happiness, success and acknowledgment is not based on immediate results but are a product of identifying your personal strengths and values and working on them strategically.  

Posted on by haleemaalowais

Mean girls- they start young

As a mother of preteen girls I have my standard worries of handling teenagers and their rollercoaster hormones and growing up challenges but my biggest worry is this… Bullying and it’s consequences, I thought that it ended with my generation and god knows we had our share of it with body shaming, insults and ostracizing but I expected this generation to have wiser parents who will take a feather from their experience hat and steer their children away from this invisible yet gigantic issue.

Aside from adorning our sweet little mini me’s with the latest iPhones, designer bags and make up palettes that will plug their pores how about injecting a huge bout of empathy and compassion? I had to struggle with changing schools because the administration did not know how to properly deal with this issue and dealing the parents of the bullies is useless which is expected; bullies become bullies because of defected upbringing or wrong role models.

Tweens and teenagers will have their share of conflicts but I plead to parents to talk to their children about this and raise them in a way that they don’t become bullies nor become silent victims of bullying. The consequences are devastating and can result in a lifetime of low self esteem triggers.

Don’t forget this, lead by example not just rules and words. If your child hears you nonchalantly make fun of someone or terrorize them they will become like you thinking it’s perfectly fine, don’t raise a generation of bullies…

Posted on by haleemaalowais

15 minute radius

The fifteen-minute radius theory 

Call it a theory, a way of life call, rule of the thumb… whatever label it fits into I use this to signify what a daily map should one adopt to have a stress free and fulfilled life. Basically it means that whatever errand or chore you need to do should be 15-minutes radius drive from your house otherwise it’ll be an inconvenient chore that doing too much off will result, long term, into a stress factor on your life.

Now I understand that in this time it’s almost impossible to stay within 15-minute radius from your home realistically if you counter in work needs, meeting loved ones who don’t live too close, getting to places that are not within the precious radius. 

But from experiment I realized how much keeping within that circle adds so much value to your life because that radius represents your community, the gym that’s 12 minutes from your house, the café that’s 8 minutes away, the beach that’s 10 minutes when there’s no traffic, the wholefood supermarket that 17 minute, I stretched in the 2 minutes because of the divine tomatoes they stock. 

            As a graduate of urban planning studies, there’s a great importance in factoring in city planning so that a person from his own home can get to where they need with minimal commute, a notion almost impossible in the UAE where affordable housing and high paying jobs are one can be two emirates apart, or certain lifestyle event is a destination that can take up to 1.5 hours of driving one way. I was lucky enough to secure my first job a roundabout away from my home, that’s 12 minutes with early morning traffic, second job 7 minutes away and thankfully still at the same place while hearing horror stories of morning commutes that take up to 2 hours one way. Currently, my daily commute needs fit neatly into that radius; aforementioned office 7 minutes, gym 10 minutes, mother’s home2 minutes away, favorite café 8 minutes, latest business venture 15 minutes and daughters school 15 minutes. The fact that I don’t need to move beyond that unless by choice has a positive impact on my stress levels. I do hope that in the future there will be better city planning that the radius fills up that either more amenities are built within reach or traffic improves so that reaching farther destinations don’t require as much time. 

            After getting my driving license at the at the age of 21 I had the giddy enthusiasm of a caged beast blasting out of chains insanely happy with the freedom of getting to wherever I wanted to go to without being a hindrance on anyone that driving an hour to five hours a day never fazed me. But after years of doing that and the freedom lost its sparkle replaced with the yearn of comfort and being close to home made me appreciate the convenience of meeting my daily needs without driving more than 15 minutes every way that checking the distance on google maps and finding out that its within radius is sadly satisfying nevertheless a triumph.

            The radius adjusts when I travel to a more pedestrian oriented city where the city planning is older than our young 46-year-old country. For example, the radius expands in London to wherever I can reach on foot and back without fainting from tiredness, I keep to around 5 kilometer square and it’s what keeps me in that city for weeks on end without getting homesick because everything from groceries to catching plays in west end to public transport in getting around the city is smoothly within a healthy radius.

            Going back to the motherland, it is not just the convenience that is the focus here but being a part of the community around you that, in my personal opinion, is a responsibility on your part on a number of levels. 

            It doesn’t have to be on a huge level of impact but to the level of law abiding, economically responsible, respecting the traditions, being up to date on the happenings and social responsibility… in short, a sensible citizen. As simple as using the local coop for groceries, reading up on the new legislations, taking interest in the events happening around you, and so on. 

Now that doesn’t make you a traitor if something takes you outside the 15-minute radius such necessities as a job that doesn’t compare to the availability of employment around you or a certain medical treatment though it’s not ideal to have that on a regular mandatory basis if you’re opting for stress-free quality of life.

This issue is a serious one in the UAE where cost of living is affordable in Sharjah and Ajman but availability of better paying job offers is in Dubai making the application of the 15-minute radius impossible as the traffic jam can take up to ninety minutes to pass the bottleneck of people trying to get to their job in time with their follow neighbors commuting to work. 

This imbalance caused a paradox that seems impossible to solve no matter what the country is trying to do to solve it, ideally it should be solved on a national level as it covers several emirates but that’s another story to be dealt with with a lot of lobbying, legislations and HR law research.

            Moving to lighter field of the 15-minute radius, the food intake where we take the term lightly as here I want to speak about the food we eat and where its grown. As fancy as it seems to eat food that’s imported and flown from another country to satisfy our curious taste buds and conjure a ‘refined’ taste for cuisine it is not healthy eating frozen food that may have been flown in, waiting on the airport tarmac, loaded into warehouses, shipped via delivery trucks to restaurants or supermarkets to our plates on a daily basis. This is an indulgence that should be taken with caution, imported food have a question mark on their content that long term is the cause of chronic illnesses that have become the norm with the diets we have grown accustomed to after the fast pace of global transportation.

Our diet should be mostly the food grown locally and have bypassed the formaldehyde embalmment needed to survive the trip, enjoying imported food should be done with caution and the bulk of perishable groceries should be grown within the country’s radius, a little bit further than 15 minutes but still locally grown.